Vivienne's Adventures

It feels like it hasn't been long since I talked about adventuring, but time is soup, and I have no sense of time anymore. Over the weekend (...ok, I have Some sense of time), I stayed with a couple friends who got me hooked on a video game called Beat Saber, and we just had a good time playing video games and hanging out. The next day, we packed a few bags and went on a nearby hike! The goal was to find a cave they'd found before, but we didn't find it on this trip. The hike was fun, and kept screwing with my sense of reality, in a way. It was hot, and a long trek, up and up and up into the foothills past Sultan and Gold Bar. I definitely didn't think I'd be able to make it up to where my friend said the cave was, but then I stopped thinking about can or can'ts, and just kept going, chatting and swinging my plastic katana at the blackberry bushes to dissuade then from taking over the trail. It wasn't ren faire, but it had that similar sense of escape and im...

  Meet the adorable Peppercorn! I haven't really posted pics of her yet, but I've been watching her for a few months now. She's the daughter of a friend of mine. She has become the cutest, wiggliest little happy thing! She's darling. But, this is my last week of watching her twice a week. I'm sad that I wont be able to see her so consistently, but I'll still probably be able to see her every now and again.  It's been fascinating watching a months-old kiddo versus my nephew, who's a year and a half. The age difference is fun. Watching the Little One means I get to chase him around the house, tickle him, and teach him different words. (Some of which he can say now!)  But with Peppercorn, she's not crawling yet, so I get to play with her on her playmat and give her things she can chew on. (Otherwise she tries to eat my fingers...or the camera haha!) It's such a joy to watch these two. They're darling and I love watching them grow! 

Gosh, the last weekend of ren faire. I almost don't want to talk about it being over because I miss it so much I want to cry. There's something about being in faire garb, wandering around and playing a character while watching your friends perform. I don't know the name for it, but it seriously feels like the most perfect escape from reality. Trust me, we all need escapes now and then. But it's so immersive! It's fun when you get a chance to take advantage of the many fun things faire has to offer. Like getting your hair braided, getting a jingly belt and elf ears and pretty crowns and wandering around with your friends and family and watching really fun shows that you can't see anywhere else. Oh, and the Joust. My goodness. Me and two of my friends really bonded over the jousting tournament. We caught the joust at least two or three times over the three weekends, and gosh. We never stopped cheering for Scotland! And then, on the last day we watched the joust, M...

It's kind of funny, looking back at how things have changed in just a few years. I used to spend most of my time working at the library and spending free time with friends from college, and we'd stay up late watching movies, doing nails, and talking about stories. I miss those nights. That particular friend (now adopted sister) has since moved a state away, and I can't really stay up till 3am with her laughing over stories unless we're both on the phone or video chat.  One dear friend from high school (who helped me retain some sanity from the bullying and other high school nonsense) has since ghosted me, and I've not heard from her in about three years. This makes me really sad, honestly. It's hard not to wonder if I did something, or if a mutual friend or family member said something to drive a wedge between us. It's been frustrating trying not to care, but having her constantly on my mind. I don't know what to do, so I've decided not to do anythin...

  Sometimes things are nice and calm and easy to deal with, like going to ren faire and getting your hair braided and made really pretty. Sometimes, you stumble upon something that needs to be done, but also triggers your anxiety and mucks up nearly your entire day.  I'm gonna be honest. Living with anxiety sucks. It's frustrating because it's not really up to you what triggers anxiety or panic attacks sometimes, but then in hindsight, you figure you probably should've expected that. It's really easy to blame yourself for every little thing, but sometimes it's not actually your fault. Sometimes it just happens to take you by surprise. I've been hesitant for a long time to actually write up a query letter or book proposal so that I can send out my book to get it published. I actually sat down and tried this week, only to start getting anxious. It took me a bit to realize that I was starting to freak out instead of just being reluctant to work on something tha...

I may have signed myself up for something that currently terrifies me. Ooops. So, for context, I'm on the board for the Christian Writer's Group I go to, and we had a board retreat over the weekend. And I let the person in charge of scheduling people for the Writer's Coach segment put my name down for October. Here's the thing. I like talking about writing and stories, and I love being able to help people. However. Talking about things and writing things are totally different. I haven't done any public speaking in a while, so my stomach is getting all the butterflies when I think about going up to stand in front of a bunch of people, some who I know, some who I dont. That's not even the worst part! Haha! I'm really good at comparing myself to others, and my mind immediately goes to: What if I'm not as good a speaker as the others? So many people could do a better job, and have! Why did I sign up for this? So I have to argue back and remind myself that co...

One of the recent changes I've made that helps get me out of my head is to go on a random mini adventure. I LOVE adventure, and over the last several years, I've been realizing just how much I like the actual, physical escape from reality (outside of a book or movie). So I've been trying to make sure I do something that counts as adventure a few times a week. This weekend, my little adventures included going kayaking during our lunch break at the board meeting in Port Orchard (so pretty!!), taking two different ferries with my grandpa, and then exploring Merriwick (Wash Midsummer Ren Faire) by myself. Even then, I was never really alone. I got to dance with my friends, get my hair braided with ribbons and flowers, and get some jewelry for Kovaltio, my Irish alter ego. It's still summer until the weather changes, so here's to being adventurous! There's seriously something about getting away from the normal that changes something in your brain. I don't know al...

Short post today, but! I've got some news for you! I'm going to be posting some of my blogs onto a website called Medium! If you're already on Medium, find and follow me! (Link at the bottom). If you're not, check it out! Medium has lots of stories and essays and blogs and interesting things to read, and there's something for everyone. I'll be focusing on talking about mental health, mental illness, and DnD on Medium, and hopefully I can get to a point where I can add some short stories. ^_^ So! Take this as your sign to try something new, and see what happens!  Link to Medium:  https://medium.com/@vivi_aulaire

I've learned a few things from going to ren faire, both as a performer and a patron. One, it can be A LOT. It's a lot of people, a lot of smells, it's hot, and there's a lot to look at and do. It can easily be overwhelming. I've gotten to the point where I'm used to it, and I relish it. But my friends, not as much.  It's important when running around ren faire, to make sure your friends are having fun, staying hydrated, and if they get overwhelmed, take a break. A few minutes sitting down, eating some food, or watching something can help a lot.  Carrying these over to real life, drink water, take a break when you're overwhelmed, and check on your friends. Even more importantly, make sure to take care of yourself. Yes, it hard. Sometimes you don't want to, but you need to. And it's ok to not be ok. Sometimes you have to sit down and realize that you're not, and do something to rest and recharge. So go do the thing and relax. <3 Take care of...

Kovaltio the vampire! That's the alter-ego I went to faire as this past weekend. Kovaltio decided it was a good day to be alive, and to saunter around Merriwick, introducing one of our friends to the joys of the festival. This friend had never been, but he had a good time!  We watched the Scuppermonkeys sing, got henna tattoos (covered in sparkles, too!), ate some tasty food, bought a few fun things, saw an eagle and a falcon, watched Fakespeare tell us about Hamlet, watched Calico's History of Weaponry (fight show!!), cheered for Scotland in the joust, and forgot to reapply sunscreen...Oops! But we all had a blast, and I haven't felt more at home since the last faire...two years ago.  It was like going to a family reunion of your favorite people, and continuously running into people who greeted you with grins and open arms. But then it was 7pm and the faire had to close. And we had to drive home. Away from Merriwick. But there are three weekends of faire! And this time, Ko...

So, a couple things I've noticed after being on meds for a while: my memory is still kinda crappy, but at least I know Why. And somehow its easier and harder to get things done. Partly depends on the thing. I have been feeling really stuck, in a couple of ways, and I've been trying different things to feel less stuck. Sometimes, talking to my aunt helps get me unstuck because she sees things I can't. Sometimes what helps is dressing up and talking with an Irish accent and getting a henna tattoo. Sometimes what helps is reaching out to your people. I've been looking at artists to get a tattoo, and I know what I want and where I want it on myself. But I'm not making this decision alone. I've been really enjoying the massive amount of advice and recommendations I've been getting. Makes me feel like I'm not only surrounded by people who get it, but shows me that there's a wealth of information easily accessible if I just ask.  But on the other hand, I st...

  There's something special about being able to dress up as a pirate, pretend to be someone else, and to run around ren faire with your friends and drooling over all the pretty things we can't afford to buy. Ren faire is back! I went with friends over the weekend, and I had so much fun! It was two years in the coming, since the pandemic screwed things up royally. Being safe is important, don't get me wrong. But it was so good to see so many faces I missed seeing! I kept running into people I know, getting hugs, and feeling absolutely full of pure glee. I got to see my friends perform, I got to share the wonders of ren faire to a couple friends, and got them hooked on an Irish pub band that my friends formed a couple years ago. And I got to hold a falcon! (Not pictured.) And pet an owl! ^_^ It felt like I was in the only place and time that mattered, and I felt so, so good for having gone. These are my people, my chosen family, and I have one question. Is it next weekend yet...

So I just joined a new DnD game! I know, big surprise from the nerd. (hehe) One of my friends is running a module and I created a fun charismatic bard who looks rather flamboyant. In the first game, I had fun exploring his personality. Turns out he's really good at making friends, even in a quiet town full of people who gave us weirdos distrusting looks. He kept surprising me with how he'd join or start a conversation.  I can't wait till our next game to see what happens next! I really love DnD. I know I've said it before, but it's such a good way to express emotions you don't normally get to, or to kind of feel out how a personality trait might actually feel like. For example, I'm not nearly as charismatic as my tiefling bard, but I'm also a little surprised at how naturally it feels to adopt his personality. It's really cool. Of course, the best part of DnD is being able to create a story with your friends! It's like collaboratively writing a b...

  Sometimes it feels like we're given or we accept tasks that feel TOO BIG. It's easy to get overwhelmed, and sometimes that's because of the depression and anxiety goblins living in your head. (...okay, not literally, but you know what I mean.) I recently took on a position at my church where I'm in charge of the nursery, and I have to admit two things. 1. I love it! 2. I also don't feel like I know what I'm doing. But then, that's an everyday thing.  But I know I'm not alone. They didn't offer me the position just to dump everything on my head. There are a number of wonderful ladies who have been assisting me, giving me ideas, and teaching me how to use the scheduling software. It's been weird, feeling like I can do this!, and also feeling like a toddler in the front seat of a massive car. Sometimes, even when you know you're in the right position, it can be daunting. But at the end of the day, once you complete the things that can feel ove...